Hey. I'm Luz (:
All of this is just stupid stuff that I like or think is funny.

11th December 2013

Photo reblogged from like sandpaper and bare ass with 25,576 notes

Tagged: aahhh hahaha its Junsu!duckbuttkim junsuxiahlolfcmenfunny

Source: ForGIFs.com

10th December 2013

Photo reblogged from She's so pretty but she doesnt always act that way with 520,178 notes

imrsammy:

I don’t think that was scripted

imrsammy:

I don’t think that was scripted

Tagged: I really shouldn't be laughing this damn hardomglolfunnysamandcat

Source: imrsammy

20th October 2013

Photo reblogged from T0B5T3R: what the F*ck happened next? with 777,705 notes

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

princemetalthunder:

skrill-cosby:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

oh my god these are great

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

Tagged: lolfunnyI was seriously dying from reading these

Source: pandaaamonium14

10th August 2013

Photo reblogged from like sandpaper and bare ass with 168,328 notes

slenclerman:

supersaiyaneddie:

parisheroinstars:

So much respect for this young lad.

Wears it better than most people

thats not his head

slenclerman:

supersaiyaneddie:

parisheroinstars:

So much respect for this young lad.

Wears it better than most people

thats not his head

Tagged: lolfunnylmaoi thought he lost a bet

1st July 2013

Video reblogged from like sandpaper and bare ass with 86,026 notes

edgybanana:

IF YOU WERE EVER LOCKED IN A STORE OVERNIGHT…

Tagged: greatest thing ever xDlolawesomestoredominoes

28th January 2013

Post reblogged from worse than nicotine ♉ with 91,099 notes

spiritofgracekelly:

leoNARDO DICAPRIO IS TAKING A BREAK FROM ACTING

YOU COULDN’T HAVE JUST GIVEN HIM A DAMN OSCAR

YOU’VE DONE IT ACADEMY AWARDS YOU’VE BROKEN HIM

image

Tagged: Leonardo Dicapriololbut oh no!

Source: spiritofgracekelly

16th January 2013

Photoset reblogged from worse than nicotine ♉ with 138,688 notes

professionalvillageidiot:

THIS SUMS UP EVERYONE ON TUMBLR EVER. EVER.

Tagged: lolfunnydanisnotonfire

Source: youtube.com

4th January 2013

Photo reblogged from funny posts with 484,074 notes

suicideandslitwrists:

billyzeroisnotjustaboy:

my flirting technique.

this is so accurate I might cry

suicideandslitwrists:

billyzeroisnotjustaboy:

my flirting technique.

this is so accurate I might cry

Tagged: lolfunny

Source: ForGIFs.com

26th April 2012

Photo reblogged from The Funny Pics Blog with 86 notes

Tagged: lolfunnyhaharelatableso true

22nd April 2012

Photo reblogged from like sandpaper and bare ass with 9,909 notes

Tagged: lolfunnyhahahumor

Source: foreveralone-lyguy

17th April 2012

Photo reblogged from Hakuna Matata with 232,269 notes

tyleroakley:

tyleroakley:

Tagged: Titaniclolfunny

Source: tyleroakley

17th April 2012

Photoset reblogged from Radiate Love with 183,568 notes

Tagged: lolfunnycuteswaghaha

Source:

17th April 2012

Photo reblogged from Set my Soul on Fire with 145,973 notes

Tagged: lolhahafunnyfood=love

Source: bewbies-and-dewbies

17th April 2012

Photo reblogged from Set my Soul on Fire with 117 notes

Tagged: hahalolfunnyposthorse

Source: verasfreedomofspeech

17th April 2012

Link reblogged from Best Text Posts on Tumblr with 265,344 notes

When your name is in a math problem. →

I FUCKING BOUGHT 60 WATERMELONS?!

Tagged: lolfunnyhaha

Source: